I've noticed a lot of people writing their stories about their cutting or eating disorder experiences. I figure why not tell mine.

I started cutting when I was about 10. I'm not going to lie, I found out about it after watching a girl on the Real World (yes the Real World) do it. I thought why not try it. I was too afraid at first, but when I was about 12, I was molested by "friends" down the street.
I was in pain and felt gross and betrayed by people I trusted and I didn't want to go to anyone because I felt that they wouldn't believe me. I never believed peoples molest/rape stories, so why would they believe mine?
I went back to cutting, but this time it wasn't a oh-this-cool-chick-on-tv-does-it-thing. I was doing it to put myself in pain because I felt that I deserved it.

I felt that I was the biggest piece of shit in the entire world. I would cut anywhere that I could. My arms, my upper arms, my hips, my legs, my calfs, and shins. And if I already had a cut that I didn't make myself I would scrape at it with razors to make it worse.
Anytime I had a problem, I'd cut. I hated people who would show their cuts off, I did my best to hide them, I felt that people who showed them off was mocking everyone who did it and making it a light situation when it's not a light situation.

When I was about 14, I decided I wanted to date a 19 year old I had met while working at a halloween haunted hayride. I never said no, but I didn't want it. I wasn't ready, it happened too quick. I honestly barely remember a thing. My body was there when it was going on, but my mind wasn't. Then everytime I saw him, it was expected of me and I could never say no, I was afraid what he would do if I said no.
I was the most unhappy person with him.

I cut worse and worse til about 16. My parents said I was in a phase, but phases don't last 6 years.

I quit cutting myself, I finally found the determination and strength in me to quit on my own. I "relapsed" a couple times, but I haven't cut since I was 16 and I'm now 17.

But problems didn't end there.
I held my molest and "rape" inside til I was about 16 and a half. I was having panic attacks every single day and I hated myself, I hated everything I was.
I hated everyone around me and I was secluding myself from everyone else. I didn't want to be around anyone because they wouldn't understand.
I got worse and worse everyday, I cried every single day. But I had enough strength not to cut as much as I wanted to.

I honestly thought of killing myself and what's scarier is I thought of killing other people.
I couldn't control my thoughts anymore, so many things were going through my head that I couldn't even handle it anymore and I wanted to just end everything. I couldn't focus on one thing.

The thoughts of killing other people were the scariest. It's scary to know that your mind is capable of thinking that. Especially when it is someone that you live with who you love and see everyday. It got to the point where I couldn't even be around them because I didn't trust myself anymore. I would lock myself in my room so I couldn't be around anyone and if I was to hurt anyone it would be me. I deserved it most, anyways.

I looked into personality disorders and I came across borderline personality disorder.
Described me to a T.
But my therapist decided she would not diagnose me because I'm 17.
Apparantly 17 year olds are supposed to cut themselves, think of suicide, murder, and everything else that is horrible, and lose control of themselves.

I was not me anymore. I lost myself.
That's the worst feeling in the world.

So for now, I am only under the category of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression.

I now take medicine, too. And it's the best thing to ever happen to me. I can go out and not worry about having a panic attack and I can take a shower without hyperventilating.
I was lucky enough to only have the side effects of muscle twitching and dry mouth, but it went away quickly.
I really would love to help anyone who's going through anything similar to what I went through.

My sister's oh-so-smarter-than-everyone-fiance thinks that at some point there is not going to be anymore Canada, Mexico, or North/South America. It's all going to be America. Governed by one president. With one currency and one government system.

To me, that sounded a bit like he should've been in the 60's. I think that if that was to really happen, there would be more chaos than there is now. I don't think ONE person with his government backing him up, slightly, would be able to control and put laws over billions of people. It would be too difficult and too screwed up.
He thinks all Americans should get over the fact that illegal immigrants are coming in. Yes, sure, I'm glad all the mexicans are taking the shit jobs that no other American would ever want in their lifetime. But please tell me WHY do I need to learn their language, when I am legal and they are not? What's the significance of that? Because technically they are not an American civilian. No, I don't want to press 2 for Spanish.
In Mexico, in order to become a civilian you have to learn their language and their culture, then go through a 6 month "trial" process you could call it, then if you "pass the test", you are now a Mexican. I think we should have the same thing here, because if I want to travel to France or Germany, are they going to take ALL of their time to learn my language? Hell no, they probably could give two shits less how I talk.

I'm just wondering what other people think on that, because I want other point of views, not just mine and his.